FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Diagon Alley, London–Fred and George Weasley, co-owners of Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, released their first book this week. Titled “Hogwarts: A Student’s Guide to Snogging,” the book at already sold out at the both the Weasley’s store and in all major (and minor) bookstores within the United Kingdom. The book not only offers techniques on snogging to help Hogwarts students “excel in their extra-curricular” activities, but also includes detailed information about prime snogging hot spots around the school.
“While we were at Hogwarts, Fred and I got plenty experience snogging–” says the book’s author George Weasley.
“–Not each other, mind you! Girls, of course!” adds his twin brother, Fred.
“Loads! And that’s why we decided to pass on this valuable information to the average Hogwarts student who needs a place to snog, away from the spectacle of Common Rooms and bleachers out on the Quidditch pitch,” finished George.
Full color maps can help students find secret passages throughout the castle. However, because of special enchantments places on “Hogwarts: A Student’s Guide to Snogging,” the maps to these passages are only available to the individual purchaser and his or her snogging partner. Any attempt to share information with other students will result in a nasty case of blood boils covering the individuals from head-to-toe.
“In our line of work, blood blisters and boils are a natural consequence of many of our experiment gone slightly awry,”explains Fred. “So, putting a boils hex on the book only made sense.”
“We understand that hormones are a’raging, but we’ve got to make a buck or two as well,” adds George.
Naturally, the book has come under fire from many concerned parents and professors, who feel that the subject matter is inappropriate. However, Fred and George Weasley, creators of such products as U-No-Poo and Puking Patilles, simply shrug off these complaints.
“If kids want to snog, they’re gonna snog. We’re just giving them a tool to do it smartly,” says Fred with a yawn.
“And we’re making fifteen galleons on each book sold,” proudly announces George, who quickly adds, “Much of which we are donating to charity to educate others about, uh, the dreadful treatment some house elves experience. Of course, all the house elves that work in our shop are free elves who receive a living wages.”
The Hogwarts administration has informed parents by Owl Post that “Hogwarts: A Student’s Guide to Snogging” has been banned from the premises. Any student caught with the book will receive a month of detentions.
When asked how they felt about the notice, the Weasley twins simply laughed.
For more information on Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes or to schedule an interview with Fred or George Weasley, please contact Amelia Snook, personal publicist for the Weasleys, via Owl Post. Muggles are welcome to send an e-mail to Amelia at ameliasnook@aol.com.
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Tags: diagon alley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, hogwarts, muggles, pubilicity, snogging, weasleys wizard wheezes
